Heart in Pieces
by Sunnydalesis
Summary: A "Smashed" rewrite with lyrics from "Dreams" by LEVV. When Buffy breaks down in tears over "coming back wrong," she and Spike find a beautiful new thing from the brokenness that laid between them.


This features lyrics from the song "Dreams" by LEVV.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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"You came back wrong."

Buffy couldn't take it anymore. She wanted something, anything to hold onto. Something that would make her feel, make her forget about the emptiness inside of her. And here was Spike, the last...thing that she wanted to be with, taunting her. It was bad enough that she was ripped out of Heaven. It was bad enough that everyone in her life wanted her to act like nothing happened. But now the thing that she hated the most, the vampire who couldn't fit into the little box she had in her mind, tells her that she got ripped out of heaven for nothing.

She wanted to mouth off at Spike. She wanted to beat him to a pulp, suck him dry, run her nails down his naked back. Anything to make her feel. Instead, Buffy felt the tears coming into her eyes. She felt her entire body collapsing. Without even taking a second look at Spike, she ran off.

Spike was left standing in the alleyway, not sure what happened. He wanted to get under Buffy's skin for once and it looks like he suceeded.

So why did he feel so empty as he watched Buffy run away?

 _I dreamed an unlit dream—I shot up like a bullet from a gun;_

 _my goodness dead and my love undone—it felt like hell._

 _I knew a loneliness blacker than the terror of the night,_

 _and I woke up in a firefight, under a spell._

Buffy didn't know where she was. It wasn't a cemetery she went to often. She was surrounded by trees. It was quiet. Sighing in relief, she sat down, leaned back against a tree, and cried. She forced her chest to heave when it felt too heavy, happy to finally feel something other than emptiness. Eventually, she fell asleep, still leaning up against the tree.

In the dream, she found herself in an endless dark sky. She saw a window in the distance. The window was paned into large pieces. As she looked at the window, it began to shatter. Then Buffy found herself falling down, down, down. She could see the open grave coming at her. The mouth of Hell was openeing and-

Buffy woke up with a scream and saw Spike sitting next to her.

"What are you doing here?" Buffy asked, eyes still wet with tears.

 _And I would love you with my whole heart if my heart was whole—_

 _as it is I'm all in pieces, and you can have them all._

"You know me," Spike said with a half-smile. "Never too far from you."

Buffy gave him her own half-smile and shook her head. "I thought you wanted to finally bag your third slayer. I mean..." She paused to sniffle and wipe her nose. "Here's your slayer with a death wish and you're finally able to kill her."

"I know. But I don't want to."

Buffy rolled her eyes, keeping focused on her surroundings. "You love me _that_ much? I came back wrong, you know."

Spike searched for the right words and looked away from Buffy as he said, "I didn't mean it."

Buffy looked at Spike and touched his cheek, forcing him to look at her. "Do you?"

"What?"

"Why did you say it? That I came back wrong, I mean?"

Spike looked down. "I wanted to get under your skin. I wanted to...part of me still wants to kill you, you know. Most of me doesn't."

Buffy nodded. "I know."

 _I fell out of the cold—my eyes were blinded by the darkness:_

 _deaf and dumb without your nearness. I walked alone._

"I never told you this," Buffy said. "The night that I...came back, I felt like the entire world was engulfed in fire. Everything was blurry and I couldn't really hear my friends. It wasn't until Dawn took me home that I finally felt like I was returning into reality. And when I felt your hands on mine...You looked like you understood so much without even saying a word."

Spike nodded. "I kind of know how it feels to dig out of a grave. And I hated being buried, so I figured you weren't much of a fan of it, either."

Buffy shook her head. "Spike, please don't do anything, but..."

 _But then I felt you close, and you were still and silent, strong as steel—_

 _your body warm, and dangerous, and real—I found my home._

Without giving a second thought, Buffy's hands held Spike's and she pulled herself close to him, leaning herself on him. She rested her head on the crook of his neck and felt his arms cradling her. It was so strange. Spike felt strangely warm against her body. He was supposed to feel as cold as ice against her skin. Maybe it was the unusually warm air surrounding them or because her body was so cold, Spike's felt warm by comparison.

Spike looked down at Buffy, eyes as wide as saucers, but kept quiet as he watched her smile genuinely for the first time in what felt like forever.

"I don't want to go home," Buffy said. "Or sleep in a crypt. I just wanna stay here."

"Hate to say it luv," Spike said, "but we're currently facing east. Come sunrise, you'll wake up on top of a pile of dust."

Buffy gave a light chuckle, remembering Spike's last "pile of dust" joke from two years ago. "Okay, fine. You find me a place to stay that doesn't remind me of death and we can stay there for the night."

The two of them stood up, with Buffy keeping her hand in Spike's. They wandered out of the forest into a residential area. They saw a house put up for sale, a cozy one-story house that looked like it was good condition. After picking the lock, Buffy walked in and invited Spike inside.

 _And I would love you with my whole heart if my heart was whole—_

 _as it is I'm all in pieces, and you can have them all._

As Buffy laid down in the bed, she patted the spot next to her. "Please stay with me. I might have another nightmare."

Spike nodded and laid down next to her.

Buffy closed her eyes and fell asleep again, reveling in Spike's tender embrace. There were no dreams that night except for one. In that dream, Buffy saw that same window from before shattered on a concrete floor. Spike stood across from her, wearing gloves. He picked up the shards and held them close to his heart. All of a sudden, the pieces merged, creating a small heart-shaped necklace. The heart gem had many facets and looked almost like a stained glass window. It was the prettiest necklace Buffy ever saw. It looked even better when Spike put it on.

I would love you with my whole heart if my heart was whole—

as it is I'm all in pieces, and you can have them all.

As Buffy woke up the next morning, she found Spike asleep next to her. Not wanting to leave quite yet nor wanting to wake him up, Buffy leaned on her shoulder and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Spike," Buffy whispered, "I don't know if I'm ready to say this yet. But thank you. Thank you for being here. I wish I could love you the way that you want me to. Granted, I don't exactly know what that is yet. But I want to love you. I just...I just feel so broken right now. If you're willing to take the pieces of my heart and, I don't know, make them into a new whole heart-shaped thing, then..." Buffy settled for a kiss on the forehead and closed her eyes again, letting herself have five more minutes of sleep.

Her body awakened again when she felt a soft, gentle pair of lips on hers. Spike let go of the kiss as soon as he knew Buffy was awake. He held her close to him in a loving embrace and whispered,

"All yours, Buffy."

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Check out LEVV if you never heard of them. I'm a huge fan of the band!

Also, tell me what you think. Leave a review!


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